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I have been resisting poverty. And for that I am ashamed, and hopeful.
When amy and I had our ceremony with our family gathered, we read the words of brother Juniper, my favorite friend of Francis. We put this passage in our ceremony because we knew it was important, but we did not know how important, someday we might.
LADY POVERTY IN THE EYES OF JUNIPER, FRIEND OF FRANCIS, FOOL OF GOD
“
If I am truly poor, then I am dependent on others for everything, and I feel useless and worthless, and I realize deep within that everything is a gift from the Father. Then in this attitude of complete dependence, I become useful again, for then I am empty of selfishness and I am free to be God’s instrument instead of my own. In poverty I begin to value everything rightly again. I see how little really matters, and I see that only that which glorifies God is of value.
I write these words in pain, Lady Poverty, for I have wept bitter tears because I was poor and had to beg from others, and I felt like a burden to people and to God … And I have grown weary of Christ’s words not to worry about tomorrow. But in His grace I have surrendered to God’s sovereignty and providence, and it has made me free …
Lady Poverty, I love you. You, my Lady, take all the sting from being poor. In your embrace I am rich indeed, for I have someone to love. I have you. Perhaps, my Lady, that is why I keep submitting, surrendering my desire to control my life, my need to provide for the future. You have stolen my heart and made me happy, and your love makes up for all the pain that loving you involves … and we know it is all worthwhile because when we look into your eyes, we see Christ Himself.”
So Lady Poverty, I am sorry for trying to fool you. Trying to say with my lifestyle that I am poor, while my actions and motivation push for more. Taking little things, more than I need. I live in two worlds, reaping the benefits of neither.
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